The title of this blog post is a reference to something that will eternally haunt me in a gorgeous way, and that is the final episode of {SPOILER ALERT} Six Feet Under. I've been hearing that line in my head for days, and thinking about how the most amazing moments pop up in our lives and then disappear again, destined to live on only in memory (if your memory works very well) and possibly with supporting evidence if a photo has been taken... even though that picture can only capture the tiniest fraction of the moment.
I had a moment that came and went this week involving one of my very favorite artists of ALL TIME. When I say artists, I'm talking about musicians, painters, writers, photographers, sculptors, actors, you name it. Of all the artists who have touched my life, I have a serious fucking attachment to Melissa Auf der Maur.
Two things dawned on me recently: first, I've been a fan of Melissa's since 1994/5-- FIFTEEN years; second, I was a fan of hers before I could even begin to comprehend WHY I was a fan of hers. Sure, I liked Hole well enough, but I loved Hole after she joined the band. I loved Smashing Pumpkins, then I went lukewarm on Smashing Pumpkins, then my blood BOILED for Smashing Pumpkins after she joined the band. I tell myself that I had some kind of supernatural, preternatural, understanding about this woman and her future work-- that there was something about her that my subconscious connected to, and that if I had faith in her as an artist, it would be supremely rewarded. I can honestly say that I haven't listened to Hole and Smashing Pumpkins {combined!} even half as much as I've listened to Melissa's solo work over the years. So to my inner voice, or to my subconscious, or to my soul, or to my gut-- I say thank you so fucking much.
Fifteen years of faith. This week I was unexpectedly rewarded when Melissa came through the Pacific Northwest to show her film, Out of Our Minds, in Seattle and Portland. I was lucky enough to make her acquaintance online over the last year (as this NorthWest girl RARELY gets to the NorthEast, and vice versa!) and even luckier to make her physical acquaintance in Seattle. Luckiest of all to spend the best part of a day hanging out with her in Portland as she introduced OOOM to P-town.
I can't begin to scratch the surface of the details of all the little moments I experienced, and why try? You can't take a picture, it's already gone. The important thing is that I emerged from the experience with even more respect and adoration for the woman, and more critically-- I emerged with a fire inside (not an AFI reference!). In full disclosure, I will admit that after dropping her off at the airport, I felt a sharp pain of depression-- that the moment had passed and I'd never regain it. The same feeling I feel after the conclusion of every Cover Your Hearts show; the same way I felt in college after our theater department's seasonal productions closed and we had to strike everything; the same way I felt at age 2 when the Raggedy Ann & Andy program came to an end-- I cried and whined "It's over!" in disbelief, unable to accept that something I treasured so dearly had come to an end and would never return to me in quite the same way. I'm certain that this is my earliest memory, proving perhaps that Pisces kids are pretty fucking in tune with themselves.
After my Madonna-overdose in 2008, it took me WEEKS to regain my normal life and outlook. I'm not sure that was a good thing. After the Madonna-overdose, I was determined to affect changes in the world. Face to face, tweet to tweet, song to ears-- I just wanted to be a part of the cycle of affecting one another... I wrote about fighting the habit of complacency, about not being too shy to TOUCH someone, to tell them something intimate, to put your heart on the line, to be whoever you are. The high I experienced-- the high of FEELING FEELINGS-- was amazing. I'm always looking for ways to sustain the high...
When you have a brush with greatness, how do you take a picture of it to keep it with you, to inspire your future actions, to inform your choices, to assist you in achieving total and utter awesome? This is the great question in my life right now-- how do I hang onto the things that electrify me? How do conduct that electricity into something that will electrify you? I'm on fire and I just want to pass it on...
Pass it on... Pass it on...
Pass it on... Pass it on...
